A Job for Carmilla
by whiterose blackrose
Summary: Carmilla and Laura are living together but there's one problem. Carmilla still hasn't been able to keep a job. It's not that she needs the money, but Laura knows that an unoccupied vampire can get into a lot of trouble- especially one that can turn into a panther with claws big enough to tear apart the couch. This is just a fluff piece I wrote for a class about domestic Hollstien.
Carmilla hates many things; you know this from experience.

She hates waking up before 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Unless she's making fun of it, she hates anything to do with vampires. She loathes Danny, one of your friends, and she can hardly stand Kirsch, yet another friend. She despises cleaning, which is evident every time you try to take a shower and find her hair in the drain. Carmilla can't stand dogs and absolutely refuses to go to that bar that smells like the garlic fries they serve. Yes, your Carmilla is a ball of terrifying vampiric lesbian rage, but you know better.

While she may not exude sunlight like she says you do, the vampire really does have a soft side. She loves few things, but she loves them with all she has.

Carmilla loves curling up with a good book and a cup of warm blood fresh from the hospital. She loves sleeping on the sacred yellow pillow that means so much to both of you. The one you argued so much back in college; the one she continuously stole from you before you began to share a bed. She loves scaring the frilly hell out of you by jumping on you whenever you walk into a room. The vampire—while she hates to admit it because it ruins her "bad girl" image— loves snuggling up on those cold Austrian nights, tail wrapped around one of your wrists, when the apartment rattles with thunder and the trees knock on the windows.

Your favorite part of the day is coming home from work at 5pm to find your vampire girlfriend curled up on the couch with a super old, German philosopher Immanuel Kant, text over her eyes and the slight rumbling of a purr echoing through the apartment. You can almost imagine her in sleek panther form, tail flicking back and forth as she sleeps.

She grunts when you softly close and lock the door behind you. "Cupcake?" she mumbles, eyes blinking against the light you turn on your way to the kitchen. "What are you doing back so early?"

"Carm, it's after five," you chuckle, "lazy vamp." She growls as she comes up behind you, wrapping her arms around your waist, purring as she nuzzles against your neck. The scars where she's pleasure-bitten you before tingle and you shiver. "When do you start work?"

"Around ten or so," she rasps. "I think."

"Carm, this is the third job you've had this year!" You spin around to face her, finding her so close you can smell the iron tinge of blood she probably drank before she fell asleep. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, full of blood. "And it's only February!"

"Hmm." She snuggles closer, pressing her whole body against you, making you smile. If she's being this snuggly, you know she's had a good day. Last night had, for the first time in a while, been nightmare free and you'd snuck from Carmilla's larger-than-life paws, claws snagging against your shirt (third one ruined this week) with a smirk on your face. She smiles into your mouth when you kiss her and you're just happy she isn't being a grump today.

"Carm!" You giggle when she licks your neck, cat-like sandpaper tongue probably creating a slight red spot on your skin. "Stop that." You push her face away, yelping as she nips at your finger with a fang. "Fine!" You throw your hands up. "What do you want?"

"Come back to bed." Her voice is a purr that makes you blush. She's giving you that look, the one that makes your body tingle and a shiver race down your spine, and the smile that makes you want to either kiss her or hit her.

"I'm tired and I still have to put these away." You gesture to the groceries you brought back. "The blood and milk will spoil. I also got that ice cream you like." You hold up a small container of Jell-O. "And we can make those blood squares you like to eat."

"Well, put that stuff away and come to bed." Carmilla slinks away with a sway of her hips. You roll your eyes and turn back to the groceries.

* * *

You wake up, mouth feeling like it's been stuffed with cotton and a weight crushing your ribcage. Blinking sleep from your eyes, you try to shift but find it impossible. "Gerroff," you mumble, trying to push the weight off of you, huffing when it doesn't work.

A purr begins vibrating along your entire body and you look up to find two yellow eyes blinking at you. Staring. "Carmilla! You're crushing me!" Carmilla the panther or, as your biologist friend likes to say, Catmilla, just growls and snuggles further into you. You glare at her and receive a yawn that reminds you of the sentient Silas collage library basement, which always seemed to be drooling, and the rusty smell that seemed to permeate the whole place. She's looking at you as if to say, 'what're you gonna do about it?'

You manage to wiggle one arm free and cuff Carmilla's ear. Unfortunately, her paw is the size of your face and when she gently smacks you back, you choke on black fur and breathlessness. "Carm!" No matter how hard you try, she won't budge.

"Laura, are you… Oh, sorry!" You look over Carmilla's muscular shoulder to see LaFontaine blinking at you, face red. They turn to leave.

"LaF, help me!" You push at Carmilla's fury shoulder when, in a puff of black smoke, you're being straddled by a smirking vampire.

"Wow," she purrs, "cat got your tongue, cutie?"

You grumble, huffing out a breath that moves your hair from your eyes. "I hate you." You push her off of you, listening to the noise LaF is making in the kitchen as you change into comfortable jeans and a Hogwarts Alumni t-shirt. You throw her famous leather pants at her face, the ones that make her ass look great, and leave the room.

In the kitchen, LaFontaine is making eggs and toast. "Morning," you say cheerfully as you enter. They turn to you, giving you a cheeky smile. "Don't even—"

"I wasn't going to say anything," they say as they hand you a plate. "Besides, I think the red marks on your neck say it all." You reach up to touch the place Carmilla had licked you last night.

Last night!

"LaF, tell me it isn't the morning."

"Hate to break it to you, Laur, but it's almost ten in the morning," they say, tapping the clock on the microwave. "Went to see Carm at her new job. I'm supposed to tell her she's never welcome there again."

"But they had such a great employee discount!" you whine. "And I cannot believe Carmilla tried to get out of another job. She can't be a trust-fund baby forever."

Hands slip around your waist, sliding under your t-shirt to press the chill of her hands against your stomach. "I've got Swiss Bank accounts with money coming out of the sides. If you wanna have a job, fine; but I don't need one to take care of you. I've got almost 334 years of collected money to spend on you." She presses a kiss to the mark on your neck before turning to LaFontaine. "Morning, Ginger One. I see you've still retained the 'no knocking' policy from Silas."

"Yeah, well, I actually knocked but you didn't answer, so—"

"You made yourself at home," Carmilla cuts them off.

"Carm, stop it. They're just being nice." You nudge her in the ribs, not wanting to move from her arms. "Besides, now you have to find a new job. And the only time you're coherent is at night, so you'd have to get a late night shift. But you're not good with people, so a restaurant is out. That leaves bars." You sigh and you can see LaF trying not to snicker.

"Laura, I don't need a job," Oh, the use of your first name means she's being serious. "I'm happy using Maman's money to pay for everything after what she did to us. You can have a job for petty cash, but let me take care of you."

LaF snorts. "Gah, you guys are gross."

* * *

"So, Perry just called," LaFontaine says as they step back up to the counter. There's a fresh cup of coffee waiting for them when them when they sit back down.

"How is she, by the way?" you ask. Perry, one of LaF's partners in their polyamorous relationship, runs an animal shelter with Danny. "How's J.P.?" You ask after LaF's other partner.

"He's doing great!" LaFontaine is beaming. "Finally got the promotion he's been after at the IT department and Perry's really happy at the shelter." They pause for a gulp of coffee before she glances up over her cup. "There's a cat that Perry's having difficulty with. Even Danny can't help because it hisses at her because, you know, werewolf."

"Yeah, that's why Danny should stick to dogs."

"Well, Perry was wondering if Carmilla could look after it," LaF smiles, "like a job!"

"Perry can't afford to pay Carm," you remind the eager biologist. "She can hardly pay herself and Danny."

"Well, she wouldn't get paid, but it would keep her occupied." LaF plays with the spoon. "I don't think Carm's told you, but she donates a shit ton of money to Perry every year to keep the no-kill shelter afloat."

"Wow." You refill her coffee cup. "I think she's just being lazy because she doesn't want work." Your frown turns into a beam when you realize what a great idea LaF is giving you. "She'd be forced to work to take care of the cat!"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you." They put down the now empty coffee mug. "Per's got the cat all set up for you to pick up." You smile as LaF gathers their stuff and tips their newspaper boy hat at you. "And take pictures!"

* * *

"No."

"What?"

"I said 'no,' Laura."

You blink, holding up a small black kitten that looks like a mini-Catmilla. "Come on, Carm. It's just until there are a few more adoptions."

"I'll donate enough money for them to build a new wing." The cat reaches out for Carmilla with clawed paws, meowing. "But I will not be taking care of a cat. Do you think me a child?"

"I think you need to do something with your time besides sleeping!" You force her to take the cat so that it doesn't drop to the hardwood floor. The vampire is holding the small kitten out in front of her as far as her arms can extend, glaring at it as if it's the new focus of her hatred, instead of that glare being focused on you, yourself. You know the feeling, having been in that cat's spot with your hated roommate turned lover. "Come on, it's for Perry and, well, just," you pause before turning on that smile that you know will melt her cold dead heart, "please, for me?"

She growls, a loud one from the back of her throat and the cat meows again, her paws reaching out and resting on her pale arms. "Fine." She glares at you before that same Cheshire cat smile creeps back onto her face. "But I expect to be rewarded later."

"Sure, as long as I come back and see the both of you alive. If one hair is harmed on little Jack Harkness' head, I will withhold sex for a month and you'll be sleeping on the couch."

"Wow, that's real harsh, cupcake. I definitely believe you could actually do that." She snorts, her lip curled up to reveal a fang. "Totally believable."

"I know, right!" You feel yourself smiling before it turns into a frown. "Wait a minute… are you mocking me?"

"More like making fun of you, but close enough, cupcake."

"I have to go back to work. Just take care of the cat, Carm."

"I'll be waiting in the bedroom later!"

You shut the door in her face.

* * *

The house is quiet when you open the door to your apartment. There's a seed of doubt at the bottom of your stomach and you try not to run through all of the horrible scenarios you could see when you enter the living room. "Carmilla?" There's no response.

You almost jump when a shadow detaches itself from the wall and comes slinking over, yellow eyes glowing in the low light of the moon from the windows. "Carmilla?" You kneel down in front of the big black cat. She's in panther form and you giggle as her soft fur brushes against you as she butts her nose into your shoulder. "Where's Jack Jr.?" She looks behind her and, weaving in between her legs, is the small kitten you'd brought back during your break. He mewls at you and sniffs at your hand.

Carmilla chuffs and presses her nose into the small kitten's back, pushing him toward you. You watch her with him as you stand up and make your way the kitchen. There's cat food on the floor next to a small bowl of milk and you feel your heart swell to three times its normal size. "You did all this?"

The panther nods, licking at your hand and nudging you for petting when you ignore her for a second. "Come on, Carm. Change back." She shakes her head and looks behind her to see the small kitten with its head tilted to the side. "Fine. Come here!" You fall to the ground and wrap your arms around her neck, pressing your face into her shoulder. Her head is heavy when she hangs it over your shoulder, huffing warmth against your back. There are tears in your eyes as you twist your fingers into her fur. "I'm so proud of you."

She just purrs, the sound filling you with such happiness that you don't know what to do with yourself. You hear a meow from your side and see the cat looking up, a paw on your arm like it's trying to comfort you. "Oh, you guys!" And there are tears streaming down your cheeks as all of the stress of trying to find your stubborn Sapphic vampire a job. Yes, it might not seem stressful to some, but you don't want Carmilla to get bored just sitting at home all day while you go out and work. She has the money, but you know how she gets when she's bored.

"I love you," you whisper into Carmilla's ear, chuckling out a sob when she licks the tears from your cheek. "I love you."


End file.
